This month was rough. I’m talking quarter life crisis if that’s even a thing.
I ran over my new iPhone 7 plus, got pulled over and got a ticket, had technical difficulties with images and didn’t even realize it, had to set boundaries with a family member to whom I will no longer be speaking, who also happens to be my brother. On several occasions I found myself crying in public, in my car, and not sleeping at all. I had an abnormal amount of awkward and incredibly hard conversations, in which you just wish throw in the towel and pray that things could be different- but they can’t because they are what they are. Also you can’t “throw in the towel” because you are not a quitter by any means, so that too, is annoying.
The worst part is that, I disappointed people in ways that were out of my control, and by the end of this week, I was mostly just disappointed in myself. I looked at my circumstances in a way that I never had before, and everything looked bleak and irreparable. There are things that have happened, that no matter how I wish it, I cannot fix it. Hope was lacking this month, and hope is the only thing that helps us to look forward to another day.
Yeah so life is not picture perfect. Life is not an Instagram story. Life is not a highlight real. Business is not always glorious. Family is not always fun.
So from here on out I want to call this feeling “The Burden of Disappointment.” Let’s call it TBOD for short. To be clear this is different than being a people pleaser. That is not a symptom I suffer from.
TBOD is something all of us can relate to. Things won’t always turn out as we hoped, and we will experience TBOD. Sometimes we will be the source of someone else’s TBOD. The Burden of Disappointment is sure to encroach upon our lives at some point or another because we live in a faulty world.“The Burden of Disappointment” can be crippling, and cause fear in our lives. With my typical day-to-day situations, I would normally give very Tony Robbin-esk life approach quotes such as “Life is not what happens to you, it’s how you respond, yada yada yada”. But I’ll save that for another day. While I fully believe that, here’s something I believe in even more.
“The Burden of Disappointment” looses it’s power in the presence of unconditional love.
I believe in the power of healthy relationships. I believe in the power of relationships in which people love you despite your flaws. When you experience the feeling of unconditional love – big or small – it shifts your atmosphere into recognizing that life if worth while and that you can take another baby step in life.
I believe there will be days, as hard as this is for me to say, in which, YOU will not be able to pick yourself up off the floor. There will be days in which you need someone to come through for you because you are at your wits end, and being a feminist or a “strong leader” won’t be enough. Sorry ladies and gents. We can’t always be super woman 365 days a year.
Let’s just go ahead and admit, that we cannot walk this life alone.
The good news is we don’t have to. There are people who love us. I could not have made it this week with out my husband, Josh. Or the text I received from my friends this morning letting me know they had my back (Tahjah, January, and Jessie Jane) that brought me to tears might I add. The Margaritas with Emily today, the love from my in laws, or the phone call from my mother. I promise I’m actually not a super emotional person….but when in rome!
The even better news? There is someone who loved us before we were ever born.
Yeah I’m going here…. because honestly, thats just where I’m at this week. Everything else could have fallen apart, and I could have had NO ONE to back me up, but you know what? God was my rock this week and backing me up the whole time.
So yeah here is my message to you today. You are not alone. There is a God who loves you, and even when it appears that there is no light at the end of the tunnel….fear not.
That God of the universe see’s your pain and heart, and he is here for you. If God is for us, then who can be against us?
A psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord